Christians are straight up FREAKS
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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