I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
