No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
