I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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