I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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