forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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