I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
