Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
