i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize