Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
