So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
