im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
