I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize