I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
