actually, I'm a sock model
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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