It was confusing and full of hummus
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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