I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
