Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
