Do vagina's smell?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Randomize
