At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
