Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
