what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
