Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize