you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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