I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
