You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
