She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
