I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
