No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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