i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
