Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize