On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
