my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
