Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
