so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
