areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
