my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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