4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
