I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
