I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Help. Why am I so naked?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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