sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
