I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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