chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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