I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
