You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
