Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
