i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
