OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
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