Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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