we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
