i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
