i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
