Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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