My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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