i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
