i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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