I feel great
I just peed on a car
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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