It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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