Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
