see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
