Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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