Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
