Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
