im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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