someone get that fucking seahorse.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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