I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Randomize
