i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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