Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
