OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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