god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
