1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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