Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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