I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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