im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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