I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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