I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
