I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
