Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
