if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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