i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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